I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
