He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
