To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
