I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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