420 ftw
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
