Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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