Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
