OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
