I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
tell me about the eggs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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