my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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