she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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