the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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