There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
