Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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