Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
