Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
