So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
