dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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