I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
