guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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