Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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