We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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