How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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