you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
