so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
