I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
