Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
