quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
