Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
