He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
