You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I said "one day" and that day is not today
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
