Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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