my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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