Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
