im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
