you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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