she is the kim kardashian of front butts
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
