So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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