I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
