When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She told me I should be a condom model.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
