im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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