Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
