Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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