Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
