I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
