I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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