I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Text me some of your sweat
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
