ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
