i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
