3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
