I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
