I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
