Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
