Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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