YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
