evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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