i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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