I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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